Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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