thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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