I feel like abortions should bother me more
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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