I want to have your abortion
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
