We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
