Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
