i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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