Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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