So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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