why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
