i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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