Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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