I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
