she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
barbara walters just said penis...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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