I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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