the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
