I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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