it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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