Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
