Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
