End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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