don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
3 2 1 whiskey
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
