I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
