remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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