If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
