I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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