If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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