so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
