he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
