i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
