U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
