My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
