I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
