for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
