Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
