First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
