I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
