It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
