I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
