I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
