i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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