hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
