you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
