is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
50% drunk capacity currently
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
