She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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