I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
