There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
