I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
