Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
