You work out of a Hotel?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
