just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
