so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
