return my video game
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
