ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
