Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
