You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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