tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
