I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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