in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
