im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He kissed a someone with a penis
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
