i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
