yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
