yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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