Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
from now on my penis is your penis
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
