the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
