if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
