do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
