It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
