i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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