I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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