You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
