In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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