im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
