I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
